An Opportunist Without Desires

You don't have to choose between happiness and success

I grew up in a nice home on the coast of Australia, my dad was objectively successful and was able to provide a good quality of life for our family. Then the global financial crisis happened. He was over-levered in property and got blown up, like many others around the world. I was about to enter high school at the time, just as I was at the age where I could start appreciating my privilege, most of it was taken away.

Dad gave me a proposal: would you like to go on one surf holiday a year or stay at the same school? I changed schools. The house had to be sold and we moved into a small apartment for a while. I am by no means trying to play the ‘I came from humble beginnings card’, but everything is relative and things weren’t quite the same.

My father who all my life had complete freedom, seemed to lose a lot of it. The new school I moved to had a drug bust the first few weeks I was there, then some kid wanted to fight me just because I was new. He said we could be friends after. It was all very strange to me, but it was a great lesson in how things can change if risk isn’t managed.

Su Zhu once tweeted: Those who do not manage their risk will have the market manage it for them. Wise words are often spoken by unwise people. He would end up evaporating billions of other people’s money then calling prison a stoic experience.

Su Zhu, the man who went from $3B to $0 in 72 hours

Dad always regretted not working a bit harder when he was in the peak of his career. He made the decision to step back earlier than his peers and focus on a balanced life with family. I don’t think there’s anything to regret with making that decision. But regrets are only validated with hindsight, and hindsight is useless. After the GFC, he would go on to create a new business and do well, but he was always aware of why he had to work again.

The work was harder and he sacrificed freedom, but he still had it in him. I was impressed with his response to necessity. He has followed my crypto journey with a keen eye ever since I first joined the space. He even had some fun buying jpegs.

When I told him I was content with my current level of career success and that I wanted to step back, he warned me that I was making the same mistake as he once did. That I was being complacent and should be careful about taking my foot off the gas just when the engine was running well.

I had fallen out of love with the industry I’d spent so much time in. It was a blessing and a curse to have such specialised knowledge in an unserious place. I did not want to be aware of all the opportunity I was missing out on. Fear of being involved overtook any fear of missing out.

I decided to log off. This was my white-girl-insta-story-highlight-healing-journey. For about 18 months I didn’t think much about money, with a few exceptions of course. I learned a language, I took care of my body and mind, I read a lot, surfed, I travelled far. I didn’t really feel inspired to do anything that was work-adjacent. To be honest I didn’t think I ever would again.

one of many beautiful places I went on my #healingjourney

People would sometimes ask what I do for work or if I ever got bored. I never got bored, I loved giving my brain space to breathe for the first time after being so oppressed by red and green candles. I wouldn’t trouble myself with things outside of my control, there was no use in reading international affairs or following the consumer price index (CPI).

But at the end of last year I started to feel something bubbling just under the surface. It was a new sensation, one that I hadn’t felt in a while. Something was happening that I felt shouldn’t be suppressed. I had this desire to write that wouldn’t go away, so I eventually gave in and committed to writing each week.

For the first time in my life I was subject to ‘flashes of inspiration’ as described by great inventors of the past. I’ve had my own (much less impactful) eureka moments in the bathtub. Often times these writings are done in the darkness at 2am. Right now it’s after midnight and I’m only this far into the writing.

After focussing on ROI for years, I found myself focussing on a different return. The return was not money, it was not the most valuable place to allocate my attention, but it felt like the most important.

My writing was the beginning of an inspiration cascade that expanded well past things I had been wanting to do, and went into enjoying things I had been avoiding. One seed was allowed to grow and a whole forest sprung up from the ground. I was doing without thinking. There was no analysis.

I sat down one evening with a friend and spoke about feeling inspired to work again. It had been years since I’d mentioned the W word. Maybe I’d never said it at all since knowing him. We were trying to put a label on it, trying to understand and categorise the behaviour. You cannot put lightning in a bottle, you cannot force inspiration.

The wise man consents to everything, for he identifies himself with nothing. An opportunist without desires—E.M. Cioran

I read this line in a somewhat-pretentious-book titled The Trouble with Being Born. It struck me immediately as the exact words I couldn’t find during the earlier conversation. There is no why, I am just an opportunist without desires.

Crypto is a hyper-capitalist world, very few people participate in it without desires. I previously thought it impossible to be interested without solely focussing on financial gain, but a hobby can still be a hobby even if you make some money doing it. Money makes the world go round but there are many people doing amazing things, simply because they enjoy doing them.

Forrest Gump is a great example of an opportunist without desires, an optimist without a goal. Someone who does right by others and doesn’t understand the definition of success, but becomes objectively successful. His happiness is found by doing what he thinks is right, his success is found in action, not in reflection.

Happiness is being satisfied with what you have. Success comes from dissatisfaction. Choose one—Naval

I found happiness in my decision to retire, to log off. I felt like I had achieved a level of success where I was truly satisfied. But as I’ve outlined before, retirement does not signify the end of all work, it should be framed as removing the need to work.

I am now feeling more inspired than ever to do (my version of) work. Others might find what I’m doing as trivial and extremely boring, but I don’t and that’s what makes me good at it.

I am contributing and having fun, I am receiving messages from people who have been enjoying my work. I am inspiring others and in turn I am inspiring myself, I am starting to view success and happiness like Yin and Yang. Like a changing of seasons.

There is a deep satisfaction in believing you have enough, successfully removing the root of all evil—desires. There is also a deep satisfaction that comes with doing hard things, and it’s hard to do hard things without any desire to do them.

Through this process I have learned that there is space for both in my life. Just as my retirement didn’t mean the end of all work, my happiness doesn’t mark the end of all success. There is no perfect end state where equilibrium is achieved, but an awareness can be helpful.

Everything in moderation, including moderation—Oscar Wilde

I think success and happiness should be treated with this in mind. We are complex beings. I believe I can be satisfied with my progress while perpetually inspired to be better. I can have enough, but be motivated to ensure others get more.

This writing is an expression of both my happiness and my success. I am satisfied with completion and not suppressing my inspiration. I am happy that I have put hours into something that I do not expect a return on. But I am dissatisfied with how many people will read this, and therefore I will continue to write.